So, here’s the skinny on what has been going on this week.
Tuesday was my first “official” OB visit, as the first one was background, paperwork and all that.
We expected just a “normal” visit, things to go well, to get to see something but honestly weren’t sure what, with the ultrasound. Now, to explain the ultrasound, it was something I wasn’t initially expecting, to be honest. It was a vaginal ultrasound. This made me giggle and make faces at James for a bit when the nurse and doctor weren’t looking. For those of you that know us well, I’m sure you can imagine the jokes. 🙂
The nurse that initially did the ultrasound (after all the other things, pressing, poking, boob-checking) poked around in there for a bit, pointed out my bladder, and the sac. Then said she couldn’t find anything. So a couple of jokes ensued between James and I about the baby hiding. The nurse had stated that her ultrasound capabilities weren’t that great, and that she was going to go get the doctor. Ok, no big deal.
The doctor comes in and does his turn on the ultrasound machine. I don’t much remember what happened discussion-wise from there, other than the basics, which were repeated after I got all cleaned up and dressed.
The gist of what was discussed was this:
The fetus had stopped developing at some point earlier in the pregnancy, consdering where we thought we were at by dates, which was between 10 and 11 weeks. The body keeps going on for a time, thinking it’s still fully pregnant, which accounts for the growth of the sac and all that.
The other option, which was basically discussed as more of a pipe dream than anything else, was that we were off by a few weeks to about a month on our timeline. Which isn’t completely out of the ordinary, not everyone ovulates in the two weeks from the last period.
So, I pretty much lost it in the office. They gave us some time to get the initial wave of it out and to let me get cleaned up and dressed. So, they asked for me to go to the lab and get blood drawn to check my HGC levels (hormone levels). Granted, they tend to drop around this time of the pregnancy, they would see something in the sac at this point. There was nothing there.
Thursday, I went back in and had more blood drawn, and about an hour later, they were able to tell me that my levels had dropped 10,000 in two days. Coupled with the small sac, with nothing in it, they basically confirmed that the pregnancy was naturally terminating. He still did a second ultrasound, to take another look, and he showed that the sac was already starting to collapse.
I had spent the last two days basically vegged out at home, being upset and dealing with things. So I had gotten a lot of the initial upset out of me already, so I managed to hold it together for the most part through Thursday’s visit. Though, making the phone calls wasn’t easy.
After the phone calls, we had a little lunch and did some pretty hardcore cleaning and packing, just to keep ourselves busy. It’s amazing what you can get done on that kind of energy. I think some people may think we’re just in shock or something, and not really grieving, but we grieve in our own ways. Yes, I cried. I likely will again. But at this point in my life I’m not one of those people that’s going to spend days or weeks completely useless and a sobbing mess. That’s just not me. Yes, the other foot will drop. I’ll deal with it when it comes. Which will likely be when the passing of things really happen physically. I will deal with it when it comes. Until then, life goes on, we’ve got things to do, things to take care of, and things to keep us busy.