The First Days – Day Fifteen

She seems to be starting to cluster feed in the evenings.  It’s definitely an adjustment, but at least it seems to keep her sleeping for a good bit at night.  She didn’t wake up until 6:30 am to feed, which was incredibly surprising.  And she’s cluster feeding a bit today, but mostly seeming to need to pacify.  I did manage to get her down for a small nap that all three of us partook of.  It helped a bit, but it definitely is overwhelming at first, a bit frustrating, and difficult not to get very emotional hearing her cry so much and so often.  It’s hard to not feel like there is some kind of inadequacy on my part.  An incredible guilt due to momentary feelings of frustration and impatience.

A rational mind would correlate these things to exhaustion, both physical and emotional, the roller-coaster of hormones, the pain of healing from surgery, the understandable interruption from intimacy and just overall physical closeness with the spouse, the contributors are many.  Despite the rational mind, the emotional mind is extremely overpowering during this time.

She is definitely eating more at each sitting.  Obviously not sure how much she’s getting from me, but she seems to get quiet after 2-4oz of formula supplement after nursing on me for quite a while at a time.  It is still sometimes hard to keep her awake enough to keep her feeding.  Because of her falling asleep, I am really not sure if she’s getting enough.


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Wife, student, new first time mother. Crafter and creator. Animal enthusiast. I had a miscarriage in March 2011. But we tried again. March, 2012 was the birth of my first child. Off and on I have been dabbling with small business, trying to get it off the ground since, every so often changing direction.

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