March 28th & 29th
Today was Zoe’s two-week check-up. She also had her audiology appointment. Both went well, her hearing is fine. She weighed in at 7lbs even. She is still 5oz under her birth weight, so we’re going to be keeping up the supplement for the time being. Her coloring is fine, she’s a happy baby so they aren’t too concerned, but they wanted to see her up at her birth weight by now.
I’m still not expressing well from the left breast as I am from the right, but we’re hoping that things will get better. She’s nursing frequently, so hopefully that will help things progress some. She’s still a bit fussy at times because she’s not getting enough it seems. She’s not getting nearly as much from the left breast, so I think that’s the issue right now.
Ran into our friend Summer and her son on our way out of the appointments and her way into an appointment. It was nice visiting with them for a few minutes. 🙂 We then ran errands, but didn’t draw it out since Zoe wasn’t as calm as she usually is.
Not a good day for me, even though I got some decent sleep. It’s just an incredibly emotionally charged day. The trend so far seems to be about one really emotional day a week so far. Hopefully that’s as far as it goes. I can only handle one break-down day a week. The initial onset of the emotion seems to be completely random. But as I spoke of before…it’s largely due to exhaustion and everything else just compounded.
The cycle once upset is very vicious. Guilt, frustration, exhasperation, feeling defeated, inadequate, failing, not doing anything right, guilt again…not fun. Every time she starts crying for any reason, it triggers tears in me as well. It just hits so instantly and I can’t control it. I just have to let it do it’s thing. And despite just needing to let it run it’s course, it only feeds the fire of emotions and feelings.
Everything became just so hard, harder than it should have been. I wasn’t communicating, I couldn’t. It was just so hard to get what I needed out, out. I couldn’t ask for anything without feeling guilty or like I was a burden, knowing full well in the back of my head that it was all because of the hormones and imbalances. The emotional definitely completely overtook the rational. But we managed to eventually talk some things out, and we both felt better.