A Post For People With Kids, girls or boys. – Rape


Teaching people to “not rape” is not stupid.

Journal Entry 5 months ago

The sentiment of “avoiding getting raped” is on one hand a good one. Yes, there are some seriously messed up people out there, that will indeed rape, know exactly what they’re doing and do it because they want to.

I am all for female empowerment, and breaking down the social stigmas of being female, being weaker, and needing to be “protected” from everything, even ourselves.

And yes, in general there’s a “rape is wrong” idea out there and it is “taught”.

But the way teaching women and girls to “avoid getting raped” is honestly not doing nearly enough good as it is intended. There’s nothing wrong with teaching women how to be safer.

But the point is that it’s literally not taught to guys to NOT RAPE. As evidenced by the continued blame set on women constantly for their being raped. No, not everyone blames the rapee, but it still happens. A lot. It happened just today (December 6th, 2012), actually, which is why I’m posting this. And people wonder why women who are raped don’t come forward for fear of being blamed and not taken seriously. But if someone is with people they trust, and have known for a long time and have NO REASON to believe they’d be raped….THEY SHOULD NOT BE BLAMED FOR BEING RAPED.

Honestly, there are a ton of people who are sociopathic to some extent. Still doesn’t mean that telling guys as they grow up (more often than it’s done now) that you do not rape people is useless. Date rape, drunken rape, whatever. Yeah, there are those guys out there that just plain rape. Serial rapists. You can’t really avoid it if he really wants to rape you. I understand that. But for those guys that just “go a little too far”? Guess what….that language gives them an out. Instead of calling it what it is. Rape. It gives the guys a “pass”, instead of telling them that they need to get their heads out of their asses and just not “go too far”. You just don’t do it. And you don’t use language that puts the blame on the person who said NO. Shaming is so wrong. The attitude that it’s solely on the shoulders of women to constantly behave on the defensive because they might be raped is ridiculous. We should be trying to foster more of a preventative set of measures on the parts of both males and females.

You talk about more education all around? Sure, that includes telling guys NOT TO RAPE. Extend that education into making the point that getting drunk and screwing some girl who is passed out is not ok. That’s it’s not ok to get black out drunk yourself, and rape a girl just because she’s there. It’s not ok to go out with friends, and just because she’s there and also drinking, to force her into any sexual activity whatsoever. It’s not ok to treat a girl as “less than” because she dresses more provocatively than the other girl. It’s not ok to victimize women in ANY WAY as sexual objects. Be they on the beach in a tiny bikini, or a mini skirt and heels. No, there is NO EXCUSE that can be made that is ANY VIABLE EXCUSE for victimizing a woman in a sexual manner. No, she didn’t “ask for it”. No, just because she doesn’t dress like a school marm, doesn’t mean she’s a slut who opens her legs for anyone. Using any kind of language toward someone, be it to their face or behind their back is also stereotyping, and perpetuating the idea that it’s “ok” to sexually victimize women.

People create excuses in the language they use for guys who rape. All of it is an excuse to let the guys think they didn’t rape that girl at that party one time. And the classics are still around. “Well, she shouldn’t wear X…” “Well she shouldn’t have done X….” “She basically shouldn’t have been around people she’s known for a while and trusted, because she might get raped.” That’s the sentiment the language surrounding rape issues that still happens TO THIS DAY. It may sound antiquated, but it’s still common. THAT is what needs to change. It’s the attitude that guys have, that they are taught, and the language that gives them their loopholes that needs to stop. Not even MORE education to keep women from getting raped. Because there’s a ton of that. What women need is more support in getting that education that’s already there, and not dealing with blame and shame.

Rape MOST OFTEN happens by people women know (and yes, I know women rape men, but that’s not the pointed topic here, but a lot of this applies the other direction as well). By people they trusted. By friends. Friends of friends. People they thought they wouldn’t have to worry about.

And why is that? Because of the mentality and language use that has not been actively changed nearly enough in the passing decades. Calling women sluts. Shaming them for what you may not actually know about them. Shaming them for what they wear, while also putting those same physical ideals on pedestals. The hypocrisy is incredible, and absolutely disgusting. Wearing heels and a short skirt is NOT ASKING FOR IT. Hanging out with guys you have known for years, friends, because you’re a girl and they’re guys IS NO EXCUSE. STOP TRYING TO MAKE US FEAR YOU WHILE ALSO SHAMING US FOR THE PRESSURES YOU PUT ON US.

Women have embraced themselves, wanting to look good and feel good for THEMSELVES. Not just for others. And because of that, women get verbally shamed. For trying to break out of the stereotypes and stigmas of generations past, that boys and girls can’t be friends, women get blamed for “putting themselves in danger”. How about not being that danger? How about not passing the blame of your bad decisions? How about changing the way you look at things, and women, and stop holding up such a massive double standard? How about praising them for the effort they take to look good, instead of shaming them for it, when it’s not for you in particular? How about not getting so drunk you don’t know what you’re doing and being the friend you claim to be? How about telling your friends who are getting drunk and belligerent to not be an asshole?

A woman shouldn’t inherently have to constantly fear being in the presence of a male. Especially one they know. That is exactly what the language and sentiment around this whole issue does. It’s our fault for dressing too sexy. It’s our fault for having guy friends and not just sitting at home instead. It’s our fault for not hanging out with women instead. It’s our fault for being nice and polite and friendly. Which apparently comes off as “teasing” or “flirting” or “asking for it”. It’s our fault for being so incredibly shocked and scared by people we thought we could trust, and being too paralyzed to do all those things they teach us to protect ourselves.

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Mary

Wife, student, new first time mother. Crafter and creator. Animal enthusiast. I had a miscarriage in March 2011. But we tried again. March, 2012 was the birth of my first child. Off and on I have been dabbling with small business, trying to get it off the ground since, every so often changing direction.

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