November 6, 2013
I’m thankful for the inner progress I’ve made over the years. Thankful for being able to recognize much sooner when there is something just not right inside of me. Thankful for being able to relatively hold myself together while attempting to really look inside and figure out just what is going on.
Thankful that I am able to accept that sometimes I can’t figure it out right away, and that it won’t necessarily go away as quickly as I’d like, even if it is some of the more frustrating times for me.
Thankful for a husband that quietly stands by me when times like this happen, and thankful that I know he may not have words to help me, but just his presence reminds me that he is my rock, my anchor.
I’m thankful for being able to feel a spectrum of emotion more now than I had for a long time. And thankful in knowing that this internal storm will indeed pass at some point. And if it doesn’t, I have the support and love of an incredible man, amazing friends and family, and the pure, unadulterated, untainted love of my child.
I’m thankful that I am capable of, and allowed to take time out to just dive into the emotions and allow my body, heart and mind process things as it needs to for whatever reason it needs to. Thankful to simply cry when it feels like things are just too much to handle because the reason and explanation is just out of reach somewhere in the mists of my mind.
I am thankful that even if through most of my recent days I have felt an overwhelming melancholy with short bursts of good mood, I am able to keep myself functioning enough to remain relatively productive in my day, and find an odd peacefulness in seeing the fruits of my labors. And thankful that I can still find joy emanating from my daughter and that it seeps through whatever this is. That most of all, gives me hope that I will break through whatever this is, and I can only hope it’s sooner rather than later.