First Day of Pre School

So, today was Zoe’s first day of Pre School.

Breathes out slowly.

It was a bit hard to sleep last night.

It was harder on me to leave her there than it was for her.

She had a great time, she behaved, and they seem to be charmed by her.  I didn’t really do much more than stare at the clock the whole time before going to pick her up.

Tomorrow might be a bit more productive as I start adjusting.

Goodness, it was a serious “next step” realization in this whole adulting and parenting thing when I was packing her first lunch for school last night.

Here’s to the start of a long next stage of our lives.


Overwhelm, my old friend.

I have realized (once again) it’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything.  I think many of you have grown accustomed to that at this point.  Even so, my apologies.

While things have certainly gotten better in general, I’m no longer on anti-depressants, and my body is shifting back to it’s own version of “normal”, I’ve been dealing with figuring out just how I want to continue dealing with all of this.

I have started Saw Palmetto, and at the very least it’s helped tame some of the androgen that my body apparently over-produces when I’m not on birth control (which the birth controls I’ve been on happen to target).  I still have some intense mood swings, and the occasional intense pain from my cycle, but at least my skin isn’t as oily, my mustache is going away, and my skin is clearing up.  (Seriously, I started feeling like a teenager.)

Though, the rest of my skin clearing can be attributed to going back on Proactiv.  No, I’m not plugging it, but it’s really the only thing that has ever worked for my couple of stubborn spots.

My weight has fluctuated about 10 pounds, and I’m trying to work on that as gradually as possible.  There’s still some changes to make, and I’m working on those.  We’ve make a concerted effort to changing our evening dining habits, and we’re now in the third week.  We’re also trying to get up and out a little more often, which has been nice.

While a lot has gotten better, I’m still dealing greatly with an over-sensitivity to feeling overwhelmed, and it’s frustrating because I feel like it’s happening for no reason.  So, yeah.  Lots of cyclical emotional garbage, which is nothing new.

The periods seem to come and go quicker, though, which is both good, and a little frustrating.  When things are good, I am pretty productive, but then then I hit the wall pretty hard and it just knocks me so far back.  Trying to power through it as much as possible, though.

But having made a couple new friends and having an amazing friend move to the area has been a big boost for me.

So, here’s to grabbing the sunshine whenever possible and forcing myself to like it.



Poop Progress!

Around here, I get excited by the little things.

Like my kid finally pooping on the potty for the first time in months.  At least what feels like months.

Even though I had to shoo her over to it and pull her panties down and plop her down myself, at least it didn’t touch the panties this time.

Yay me!

I did, however, shower her with praise and hugs and kisses after.  I know she “gets” that she is supposed to poop in the potty, but she’s having a hard time with either deciding to head to the potty when she feels it, or telling us that she feels it coming on.  But hey, I’ll take my positives when I can.  🙂  I even put her back on diapers (still have a few stragglers hanging around) to drive home the point of her not pooping in her underwear.  After a couple days, she wanted to go back to underwear.  Her pooping schedule seems to be a bit wacky.  It seems like she’s trying not to, and doesn’t for a couple days, then poops at least three times in a day.

Though, they say that some things fall a bit by the wayside when it comes to milestones when something else is being focused on.  And right now, that seems to be her reading.  But that’s a topic for another post. 😉

Happy Pooping, Y’all!

Tantrums and Naps

So, things are slowly getting back to a more “normal” state around here as far as her crazy tantrums have been lately.  My oddly very good at listening little girl is returning to herself.  For as long as she’s been able to so far in her extremely short life, she’s been pretty darned good at listening to us.

And perhaps we became a bit too lax with her over certain things, add to that her growing want for independence and control over her own life, being a three year old..  We’ve definitely hit the stage most people seem to think is attached to the age 2.  Myself and friends and even friends whose kids are quite grown have lamented with me on the 3’s being a heck of a lot worse with some kids.

On one hand I know it’s just a part of her growth, her learning, her little world expanding, but on the other hand I often wish for the little amazing child who could actively listen, understand and chose to do things the way we wanted her to.  I’ve always been absolutely amazed at just how thoughtful of a kid she’s been to this point.  She still is, but of course, there will always be times when she wants things her way, and we’ve had to remove some of the previous choices we used to give her in order to deal with her incredible meltdowns.

They seem to be falling off a bit now, I can’t even put a number on how long she’s been throwing them at this point.  Her phases of different things have always run their course and I’m finally feeling like I’m coming to terms with just waiting for the other side of it, rather than being too overwhelmed while in the midst of it.

Her tantrums are coming a bit swifter, but are far shorter now.  There are moments when she’s listening to not just me or my husband, but also to herself, whether it be regarding her level of tiredness before a nap or bedtime, but also with her potty training.  We’re slowly able to work back in a choice-making option when it comes to certain things, giving her the ability to “control” a bit of her life while trying to instill the idea that most things are choices, she can’t have everything, and to encourage her to chose what it is she really wants.

Also to remind her that she can have the things she wants/do the things she wants to if she complies with things she has to do, like naps, getting out of her nighttime diaper and into daytime panties, giving up her binkie when she’s not napping or going to bed at night.

We’re still having some issues with things she’s starting to cling to, but that is always going to be a work in progress.  At least things are calming down again (and hopefully won’t pick up again now that James is heading back into shift work for the next couple weeks), and I am hopeful that I will be able to keep her on a positive track.

Getting Back On Track – Potty Training

So, we’re still fighting on getting panties on half the time instead of a diaper, but it’s getting back on track.

HUGE step forward last night, though!  She wanted to wear panties to bed!  She made it through even after crawling into bed with me this morning sometime after James headed off to work.  Though, I could tell she needed to go after we got up.  She was doing the age-old grab-and-dance, so I scooped her up, got her undone and plopped her on the potty.  Good to go!

Pretty excited about that, it was a nice way to wake up!

Then off to an appointment for the car, she made it through that just fine as well.  Though as soon as we got back on the road, she’s telling me she’s got to pee.  So…a block later I stop to find a bathroom.  Success!

Then we stopped at one more place (because honestly, this 90something degree weather I’m just plain not ready for) to pick up a few things and some project stuff for Zoe.  She was having too much fun running around and touching every last little toy and sparkly thing she didn’t tell me she had to poop.  Soooo, I don’t notice anything until we’re checking out and I lift her to sit on the end of the checkout.  Thankfully it didn’t escape her training panties.

So, I’ll take the overnight win!  We’ll continue to battle the poop!

Backward Steps in Potty Training

So, we’ve hit a bit of a bump.  Somewhat coinciding with her starting her most recent and pretty full-on bout of potty training, she’s also hit quite a new stage behaviorally.

She’s been at times somewhat appalling.  My normally sweet if rambunctious, well behaved child has been lighting a fire under her usual tantrums.  They’ve developed into full blown, screaming, yelling, hitting, kicking, shrieking, exhausting fights.  Over things that generally were never a problem before.  (Only one of the reasons I’ve barely left the house lately.)

She’s also regressing a bit, refusing to wear panties much of the time and wanting diapers again.

She’s also been weaning off her binky, which had largely been going well, and she was pretty well behaved about it being only for nap time or for bedtime for quite a while now.  We definitely realized that she wouldn’t go cold turkey on the thing just yet.

Well, that has been a fight as well.  She’s been wanting it more often, claiming she’s tired just to get it, stealing it from wherever I manage to put it, among many other things.

I’m pretty willing to let her go back a bit at least on the diapers, not so much on the binky, but the tantrums are wearing on me pretty hard.  I really, really hope this is just one of her small spells, and that it goes away soon, because I honestly don’t know what to do about it.  She has always been amazingly adept at listening to us if we explain things, but lately she hasn’t been having it.  Seeing as how I’m feeling lately, I’m hoping that my lack of patience for it at this point is signaling the usual pass in the spell.  The more it wears me down, it usually ends up ending shortly thereafter.

I can only hope.

The Dreaded Potty Training

It’s past “that time” for us.  We’ve been working on this on and off for about 18 months.  She just hasn’t really taken to it just yet.

After doing more reading about the topic than I care to even think about at this point, and refusing to pay someone for tips on how to potty train my kid “in three days”, I will warn you now that there will probably be a smattering of potty training posts for a bit.

It’s come down to just letting her run around without a diaper.  She’s pretty good about realizing she needs to poo when she’s naked or has training panties on, but still isn’t getting the pee stage down.  Thankfully we don’t have carpet floors.  😉

Considering I “work” from home (in quotes since it’s not really yet something I feel like I can count as “work” since it doesn’t bring in much) having her home with me will definitely allow me to hopefully get through this stage sometime soon.

One of the more hilarious parts of this process is that she’s had the wiping part down pat for a while.  She just showed me that she could and that she’s “all clean”.  Oh, the stories for when she’s older.  🙂

At least I have a friend whose child is a day younger than mine and just went through potty training with hers so I can get tips, support and lament with!  ❤