The Struggle Between Motivation and Giving Up

Lately I have had a bit more motivation, and ideas are flowing, and lots of things I look forward to doing.  I have even been in a good mood for the most part, excited and energized.

However, there has been a looming shadow in my thoughts.  I’m frustrated, and feeling rather disheartened with how much legwork I’ve been putting into trying to drive traffic to my shops (there are three now, as I thought having more platforms would yield perhaps a couple more sales, some is better than none, right?), and seeing nothing really come of it.

Now, I know that some that have a more positive outlook, and perhaps more business savvy than I have can see the benefits of what little traffic I do get as part of the longer term.  But I’m having a really hard time believing it.  I want to.  Believe me, I want to.

I understand that most, if not everyone who tries to start a business from the ground up, whether or not it started as a hobby at one point, feel keenly the struggle of learning, of growing, of trying and failing, and trying again.

And perhaps that’s all this feeling is.  I hope that is all it is.  Dealing with my depression and anxiety has put an extra layer of clouds on things at times, and I know it has certainly had a negative impact on what I’m trying to do.  But, I also realize that I need to tend to myself in order to continue moving forward, and not completely string myself out trying to fight it.  I almost feel like I’m walking on eggshells in my own head, around my own self at times.  It’s a weird feeling.

I do not want to give in.  I do not want to give up.

But perhaps the odd need to cry is something I should just do, be done with it and move on.  The clouds need to rain to lighten their load, after all.

 

Thankful for… Day 9 2013

November 9, 2013

I am thankful for the incredible thing that life is.  The curve balls it throws, both good and bad.  I’m thankful for the not so great things in life that teach us to persevere, to push through, to really challenge ourselves.  The things that humble us and make us forgive ourselves, understand ourselves and allow ourselves to be human, fallible and that we will falter.  Thankful to be reminded that sometimes we will have to endure all kinds of pain, and that pain is ok.  It’s simply a part of life and we should embrace it and let it pass in it’s own time, and not try to force it one way or another.

I am thankful for managing to get myself to a place of such self-awareness that I can (sometimes, not all the time) pick up on when things are off-balance and attempt to address them the best I can.  This is something I struggled greatly with most of my life and now I am insanely thankful that I’ve been able to get as far as I have and hopefully can hone and continue to embrace this for the rest of my hopefully long life.